This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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