So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
