break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
