Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
