hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
