Don't you send me to vm
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I could make wine with my vomit
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
