oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
