Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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