you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
