Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
