She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
