His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
