If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
