It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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