Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My feet surprised me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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