Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
