Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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