Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
