You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
