flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
