do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
