i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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