Swine flu. Run for my life!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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