Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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