why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
