just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
