been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
