it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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