Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
