Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
