Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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