Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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