So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
