We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
