I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
