Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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