i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
