break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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