don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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