i just wanna soil my oats bro
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
