You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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