i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
