You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
