Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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