we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
