u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
