i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize