Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
is that a dick in a sweater?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
