im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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