i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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