i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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