Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
